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Unfortunately, the narcissistic mother often gets overwhelmed by the natural demands of a child. Narcissistic mothers want their child to do what they want, how they want it and when they want it.Parenthood intensifies the NM’s abusive behavior and the child may then be blamed for the narcissistic mother’s inadequacies or failures. Many readers of this blog have experienced an “engulfment-abandonment cycle” where the mother engulfs, through boundary-less or abusive behavior, then abandons them when confronted or when something is more interesting to the parent than the child.
She was made to be a carbon copy of her narcissistic mother.
Pretty much weekly I get messages from people who are desperate to help a loved one with a mental illness. She has been living with bipolar disorder for 18 years and has written more than 1000 articles on the subject.
I hear versions of this story over and over, my child/parent/sibling/friend/spouse is sick and won’t get help for their mental illness. And sometimes you have to accept not everyone with a mental illness will get help. I don’t know whether he’ll even live to tell the tale. I don’t just willy-nilly tell people to distance themselves from intractable crazy for no reason, I tell them this because they need to be told. Find more of Natasha’s work in her new book: Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar.
A narcissistic mother wants complete and total control over her daughter’s life, especially when the daughter is at the point in life when she wants to establish independence and autonomy. A child is born perfectly imperfect, with the need to be protected, accepted, sheltered and nurtured.
Her narcissistic mother will sabotage her daughter’s freedom any chance she can. Having children is seen by narcissistic mothers as the perfect answer to the desire to have a captive narcissistic supply. Answering these normal biological needs are seen by narcissistic parents as favors, not a precious duty, if given at all.
They say they would rather be in jail than be on medication for their mental illness. Sometimes you have to say goodbye to a person with a mental illness. This mental illness reality is unbearably painful as it will shortly result in his having nowhere to live. I’m not mean, uncaring, inflexible, unhelpful or cruel.
They can’t take care of themselves and they are going to end up on the street. Sometimes you have to cut a person with mental illness out of your life. I’m telling people to save themselves from the gosh darn Titanic.
Whatever the reason, she feels you “owe her” to be an extension of herself.
Children are naturally and innately dependent on their primary caregiver from birth and the narcissistic mother intends to keep the child dependent on her for as long as she possibly can in order to enjoy a sense of control throughout the child’s entire lifetime.
Often, inheritance and financial favors are used by narcissistic parents to manipulate their children throughout their lifespan.
The narcissistic mother expects her child to put her needs first, no matter how she treats you, your children or your significant other. But, you were an innocent child, not a “mini-me” of the narcissistic mother.
She may expect her child to pursue the life partner she chooses.